


Clearing the air

by missingkitsune



Category: Bleach
Genre: AU, Crack, Gen, Headcanon, fart jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2014-06-04
Packaged: 2018-02-03 10:03:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1740626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missingkitsune/pseuds/missingkitsune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>COMMENTS: How to scare away pesky people in one easy lesson. Shunsui knows this trick all too well. Nanao’s an unwilling accomplice.</p><p>IDK man, this story was bugging me for the past couple of days. So here it is.</p><p>DISCLAIMER: Bleach and all it’s characters are owned by Tite Kubo. Unbeta’d so all mistakes are mine alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clearing the air

CLEARING THE AIR  
TITLE: Clearing the air

FANDOM: Bleach

WARNINGS: Rude behavior, fart jokes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clearing the air

If pushed to give an answer; Nanao Ise would tell you that one of her biggest pet peeves was her captain’s ‘open door’ policy. He used it when he was captain of squad eight and continued to do so as Captain-commander of the Gotei-13. It was not only foolish but dangerous, as anyone could walk in and demand the time to talk to the already busy leader of the Soul Society. The only time the doors were closed were, One: There was an important meeting going on, or Two: Kyoraku was out of the office.

Which was the position she was in right at the moment.

One of the rich merchants from a high ranking district was demanding -loudly and stubbornly that he needed to talk to “The Leader of this Damn Place!” immediately. Nanao had told him at least a half dozen times already that Kyoraku-soutaicho was not available at the moment as he was taking care of a private matter.

The man fluttered about, spouting nonsensical innuendo that everyone knew what kind of ‘Private Matter’ was going on, and insisted that it be interrupted so he could personally speak to the ‘new leader’. Nanao rubbed her temples.

"I’m sorry that’s impossible. You can either wait here or come back another time. I can even write you into the schedule." The merchant stubbornly stuck to his demands and began tossing curses and allegations in the lieutenant’s direction.

Nanao wanted to hit something-hard-like his face-but that would cause trouble…. She clenched her fists tightly. To her surprise Genshiro Okikiba came to her rescue.

They were co-lieutenants, but they did not have more than a passing relationship. They would nod politely at each other when they crossed paths, and brought tea and food for Kyoraku-soutaicho. They hadn’t really spoken or got to know each other very well yet.

It made her miss the old squad, they all had a great rapport with each other. She wondered how they were doing.

"Sir." Okikiba addressed the man with respect. "I would suggest that you do as Lieutenant Ise says. She is Kyoraku-soutaicho personal aide. If she says he is not available at this time, then he is not available.” He bowed slightly to Nanao and she did the same back. “If you care to wait, I will bring you some tea and perhaps a small snack. Otherwise if you would be so kind…. ask for an appointment.”

The irate merchant plonked himself down on one of the plush chairs that Shunsui insisted on having in his office. “Tea would be nice.” Okikiba bowed again and retreated to the small kitchen area where they prepared the tea and snacks. Nanao went back to tidying up the paperwork on the captain’s desk. He was still pretty much of a pain in the neck when it came to paperwork, but he had buckled down some.

Unknown to the three in the office; Shunsui had heard the ruckus and was plotting a way to get rid of the pesky merchant. He had been one of the greatest pranksters that the Shin’o Academy had ever had in it’s whole, long history.

It was subtle at first.

Nanao was the first to hear it and knew exactly what he was up to. But how to warn Okikiba? She had no idea and no time left as the sound grew louder.

It was rude, it was loud, the sound of wet flatulence filled the air, accompanied by the most obscene, lewd moan ever to tumble out of a man’s mouth.

Okikiba and the merchant stared in stunned silence, Nanao had to jam a fist in her mouth to keep from laughing as she scurried out to the balcony area of the office. She tried to signal for her co-lieutenant to do the same, but he was rigid like a deer caught in the arrow’s bulls-eye. This was going to be hard to apologize for. What came next was far, far worse.

The most unholy stench filled the air.

The merchant turned purple from trying to hold his breath. Finally he gave up and slapped a perfumed handkerchief over his face and fled the room. Okikiba finally made his way to the balcony, looking like he was going to be quite ill.

Shunsui Kyoraku: Captain-commander of the Gotei-13 strutted out of his private room and joined the two on the balcony. “I see that did the trick.” He crowed.

Still coughing and laughing at the same time, Nanao punched his arm. “You’re such a ….a jackass.” She sputtered. Okikiba glanced back and forth between the two, not understanding what had happened at all.

"It’s a good thing I still carry a few of those stink-bombs around with me. They’ve come in rather handy over the years." The tall brunet captain chuckled. "Nanao I believe you’ll have to explain a few things to our poor stunned lieutenant." Nanao kicked his shin.

"First we need to get out of this office and lock it down until that stench clears." She growled at him. Nanao grabbed her co-lieutenant’s sleeve and they dashed across the room, slamming and locking the door behind them, not even caring that they had just locked their Captain-commander inside.

He didn’t care about that, really. He was too busy laughing and plotting how to get away with using the stink-bombs the next time he had to go to one of those long, boring Central 46 meetings.


End file.
